puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He felt like a one man threesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
