using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize