our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
