I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
