soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
