If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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