I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.