dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.