There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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