so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.