just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
