Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
