I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
