he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
