a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
