Umm I'm too high to move.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
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How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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