Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
