I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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