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I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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