I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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