Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
