Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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