Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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