I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
