Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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