All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
