Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
