shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
barbara walters just said penis...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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