apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
