Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
