just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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