Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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