It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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