there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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