Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (641) Bad night (2794)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

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  (706): the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not. http://tfl.nu/av9b
  Replies (10) Good night (5563) Bad night (743)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (829) Bad night (8694)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

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  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (46) Good night (9832) Bad night (1594)
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  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (38) Good night (3881) Bad night (1674)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"

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  (613): She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo" http://tfl.nu/ucwd
  Replies (8) Good night (3256) Bad night (932)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.

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  (403): I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life. http://tfl.nu/sa3f
  Replies (4) Good night (2660) Bad night (987)
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  (+32): View more from Belgium

  we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump

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  (+32): we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump http://tfl.nu/362x
  Replies (4) Good night (947) Bad night (1253)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.

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  (720): You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis. http://tfl.nu/1eq4
  Replies (3) Good night (1883) Bad night (705)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.

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  (941): Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila. http://tfl.nu/0941
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (512)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

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  (520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm
  Replies (5) Good night (2026) Bad night (633)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.

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  (269): Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done. http://tfl.nu/tz4a
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (516)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies

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  (775): I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies http://tfl.nu/5tdh
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (550)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But doesn't your shift end at like noon?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't think you understand.

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  (540): I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work. (703): But doesn't your shift end at like noon? (540): I don't think you understand. http://tfl.nu/n6r0
  Replies (3) Good night (1056) Bad night (311)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad

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  (505): I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy (1-505): No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad http://tfl.nu/sh07
  Replies (1) Good night (613) Bad night (282)

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