I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"