Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again

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(970): View more from Colorado

I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis

Fav 21 3468 999
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(912): View more from Georgia

She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Did everyone make it back alive?

(309): View more from Illinois

You say that with such hope.

(217): View more from Illinois

Is that a no?

Fav 3 3596 1279
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(661): View more from California

Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

Fav 4 726 1840
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(314): View more from Missouri

You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.

Fav 1 1253 604
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.

Fav 4 340 137
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