Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.