her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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