The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
