Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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