Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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