You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
