2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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