I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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