you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check