I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.