i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five