It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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