I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize