I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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