This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
