I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
