Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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