i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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