Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize