I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
