after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
third nipple confirmed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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