Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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