why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
