That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
