she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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