if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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